Is that a stupid question? If so why am I asking it? To me, from what I see so regularly in my work, it appears to be a very valid question…
Why? Well, nobody seems that shocked by children behaving badly. In some instances a lot worse than badly. Aappalling! Criminal! Behaviour that should shock and appal – behaviour that in a bygone age would have you reaching for smelling salts to aid recovery from the deep faint into which you’d fallen!
So what’s in place of people showing shock at appalling behaviour? An air of accepting the unacceptable… A level of apathy that questions whether adults should be taking any action at all to challenge bad behaviour. It’s adults being feeble and pitiful!!
I’m often asked the question, ‘Well, why are they behaving badly when they know it’s not right?’ Probably to see if you’ve got the gumption to do anything about it!! Testing the adults and the world to see what’s acceptable…
Oh, come on, get a grip. Show a bit of backbone, a bit of grit, a bit of substance…
I was concerned by a chat I had with a head teacher recently. A ‘nice’ person – but perceived as weak and ineffectual by certain kids. Not very strong and too ready to accept rubbish behaviour…
Like so many people I meet in schools this person is lovely to know and full of good intentions and has no intention of causing any harm…
Sorry folks, your ‘best intentions’ aren’t good enough! Adults (in and out of schools) have to get used to the idea they have to stop accepting unacceptable behaviour and learn to do something about it… You’ve allowed kids to behave in ways that are damaging to their development. You have to be shocked by kids’ bad behaviour…
I don’t really want to upset people but the whole concept of dealing with kids’ behaviour has to get a good shaking up and adults need to call a halt on their lethargy and lack lustre attitude to their duty of care to kids…
Oops, back to the conversation with the ‘nice’ head teacher that caused concern …
There’s a lot of problem behaviour at the school – kids lacking respect, poor results, aggression and violence… It was an increasing problem…
The head teacher was asking me what could be done…
I told him that he should be a bit more assertive and show a bit of wrath – using the term rather tongue in cheek!
His response, speaking quite sincerely?
‘When should the wrath start?’
Well, I was practically speechless!! A head teacher without the first idea at what point you should show displeasure and start taking action when children behave badly!!! Should this person be running a school?? Don’t think they’ve lost the plot – they didn’t seem to have a plot to lose…
Some action must be taken to stop this situation getting even worse. Excuses for bad behaviour have got to stop and adults have got to learn to do something to deal with bad behaviour. It can’t be allowed to continue where children’s bad behaviour is being condoned by adults doing nothing to stop it…
All those dealing with kids are all to blame for their bad behaviour. Each adult has a responsibility and duty to deal with kids’ behaviour. Inaction and reneging on this responsibility isn’t acceptable. Excuses and evasion is no longer defensible.
Adults have to learn what action to take. It isn’t difficult. A bit of effort, yes. Developing a bit of substance and strength of character. What’s the alternative – admitting that you can’t be bothered to muster the effort, you have no substance or strength of character?
Admitting that you can’t be bothered indicates that you really shouldn’t be responsible for children’s welfare. Tough but true…
Liz Marsden is a highly experienced behaviour management expert who teaches those considered too challenging and disruptive to be in mainstream schools. Liz uses her skills to train teachers, trainee teachers, teaching assistants and parents to deal with children’s behaviour confidently and effectively. Visit Liz’s website where you can learn about her down to earth, easy to follow techniques. Follow them and see stress reduce.
